The Van Trip
by BelaLorelei
Summary: For some bonding time, all the G8 nations get into a van to spend some time on the beach. To pass the time in the van, the nations exchange stories, and play party games.
1. The Man Who Eats, Sleeps, and Walks

**Hello Everybody! :D Before I start, I just want to say this is my FAVORITE story to tell. As long as you can ignore the death threats, it happens to be great for parties, bus rides, car rides, and anything else! Please enjoy~**

"Ve~ Doitsu, I'm so BORED!" Italy announced. All the members of the G8 were on a bus for some "bonding time". It was America's boss who came up with this idea. So now America, Italy, England, Japan, Germany, France, Russia, and someone else were in a van, driving to one of Italy's beach houses.

"Italy, be quiet. You're giving me a headache." Germany yelled from the driver's seat. At least Italy and America weren't singing that song about beer bottles anymore.

"Please, Italy-san." Japan said, clutching his stomach. "I'm not feeling well. Please don't yell or sing anymore!"

"Dude! Don't through up in here! It's a new van!" America said, looking out one of the windows. They had been driving for hours, and there was no end in sight. Suddenly, America had an idea.

"Hey, Iggy! Tell a story!" America gave puppy dog eyes to the Brit sitting next to him.

"No!" England looked up from the novel he was reading.

"Angleterre. Please do something to make America stop complaining! I can't get any beauty sleep!" France complained, taking off his sparkling blue eye mask to mimic the look America was giving.

"A story! Germany tells the best stories!" Italy said, only for his idea to be rejected.

"Nein. Italy, I'm driving. Have someone else tell a story." Germany responded, not taking his eyes off the road.

"America, since it was your idea, why don't you tell a story, da?" Russia said, smiling innocently at America.

"I didn't think commies wanted to hear stories that came from America." The American retorted.

China just rolled his eyes."He's not communist anymore, aru!"

"Whatever. So do you want a story or not? Cuz I can always go back to eatin' my absurd pile of hamburgers."

"Just tell the bloody story already!" England yelled, growing impatient.

"I bet he'll tell a Disney story." Canada whispered.

"Who are you? Do you like pasta?" Italy asked. He could become friends with this person! And then they could eat pasta together!

"Canada! When did you get here, bro?" America said, wrapping an arm around the Canadian for a quick hug.

"I've been here the whole time..." Canada responded, hugging his brother back.

"Anyway, comrade, are you going to be telling the story?" Russia asked, taking out his pipe.

"Yeah, sure." America began the story. "Okay, so a LONG time ago, there was a guy. And he had nothing except the clothes on his back. So one day, he was totally walking through a forest. His feet were going all 'pit pat pit pat' cuz he only had on small moccasins But he wasn't naked, because he had clothes AND moccasins So, he's walking in the forest, and suddenly, he sees a HUGE mansion. It's just there. So he goes in-" America stopped his story when he saw Italy's hand in the air.

"How did he not see the mansion, ve?" Italy asked. America just shrugged his shoulders and continued the story.

"Yeah, he goes in and inside the house is a little old monk man. Since monks are all good and stuff, he asks the monk if he can stay for the night. The monk said yes, and that he could stay for breakfast too. Soooooo the beggar man was all 'OMG I get to eat in the morning'. So he happily went to bed. But he couldn't fall asleep, because there was a strange ticking noise. It was all like 'TIIIIICK TOOOOOCK'.

"America-san, is this necessary to the plot line?" Japan asked. America just shrugged and continued.

"Sooooo the next morning the monk man was all 'How did you sleep'? And the guy was all 'Not well, because of the strange ticking noise. What WAS the strange ticking noise'? And the old man was all, you need to be a monk to find out. So the beggar man underwent like nine years of monk training. He came back and was all bald and had robes and stuff. So he asked the old man what the ticking noise was, but the old man was all like 'CLIMB THESE STAIRS TO FIND OUT'."

"Is this story almost over, Amerique?" France yawned. "I need to get my beauty sleep." America could only shrug and commence with the story.

"So he eats sleeps and walks and eats sleeps and walks and eats sleeps and walks and plays the ukelele and eats sleeps and walks and eats sleeps and walks until he gets to a door. So there's a mahogany door. It's sooooooo thin, when the beggar man opens it the door falls off it's hinges! And when he opens the door, there's another flight of stairs.

So he eats sleeps and walks and eats sleeps and walks and eats sleeps and walks and plays the ukelele and eats sleeps and walks and eats sleeps and walks until he gets to another door. This door is made of bronze. It's a little thicker than the mahogany door. And when he opens the door, there's another flight of stairs."

"Is there any point to all this, aru?" America only shrugged.

"So he eats sleeps and walks and eats sleeps and walks and eats sleeps and walks and plays the ukelele and eats sleeps and walks and eats sleeps and walks until he gets to another door. This door is made of silver. It's a little bit thicker than the bronze door. And when he opens the door, there's another flight of stairs."

"Wait! Does he eat pasta~" Italy asked. America shrugged again, which pissed England off.

"Why the hell are you shrugging, you bloody git!" Our favorite American just ignored him and continued the story.

"So he eats sleeps and walks and eats sleeps and walks and eats sleeps and walks and plays the ukelele and eats sleeps and walks and eats sleeps and walks until he gets to another door. This door was made of solid gold. The man was all 'If I sell this, I'll be rich!' but then he was all 'Wait! I went through nine years of monk training JUST to see that ticking noise! I will see that ticking noise if it happens to be the last thing I do!' Soooooo the gold door was a little bit thicker than the silver door. And when he opened the door, there was another flight of stairs."

America's story continued like this for around an hour, until he decided to end it. By this time France was sleeping, Japan was throwing up, China and England's eyes were twitching, Russia was koling and emitting strange auras, and Italy was joining America for the chorus. All the while, Canada and Germany were tuning them out. After years of living with Italy and America, it wasn't very hard to do.

"So he eats sleeps and walks and eats sleeps and walks and eats sleeps and walks and plays the ukelele and eats sleeps and walks and eats sleeps and walks until he gets to another door. And there was ANOTHER mahogany door. It was as thin as the first door, and when the monk man tried to open it, he ripped it off its hinges. And when he opened the door, there was a short flight of stairs. All he had to do was eat, sleep, walk, and play his ukelele in celebration. And at the top was the source of the ticking noise! Do YOU want to know what the ticking noise is?"

All the nations besides Italy turned to glare at America. "So what is the ticking noise, eh?" Canada asked.

"You want to know what the ticking noise is?" America said, using a voice one would use to speak to a child.

"Ve~ tell us!" Italy said, smiling in anticipation. England simply rolled his eyes. He could tell the answer would be really, really stupid.

"I can't tell you, cuz your not a monk!" America started laughing, and so did Italy. All the other nations besides Japan looked like they were going to strangle America. Japan was too busy concealing his emotions and throwing up to glare.

Russia pulled out his pipe, and gave America an innocent smile. He made his way over to America, pushing England out of his seat. England let out an undignified squeak as he fell to the floor. Russia turned to America and smiled again.

"Kolkolkolkolkolkolkol" Russia started to pet his pipe.

"Dude! That's so creepy, stop that!" America said, recognizing the look on Russia's face. Using his strength he pushed Russia over, causing the need for Russia to be restrained by China, France, a sick Japan, and even Italy. After about ten minutes of breathing exercises led by China, Russia finally calmed down from the levels of sociopathic killer to just really angry.

During all the breathing exercises, all hell broke loose. England, taking back his seat, started to punch the American. France woke up from all the noise and tried to drag England off the younger nation, failing epically.

"Hey! England, calm down!" America shouted, attempting to pat the smaller nation's head.

"I will not calm down, git!" The last word was spoken with venom. "You wasted an hour and a half of my time! I will not bloody calm down!" France finally managed to subdue the Briton.

"Angleterre, don't you think your over reacting?" France said. "And Amerique, you should apologize for wasting our time." He dropped England, leaving him on the floor of the van.

"Your right, I'm sorry." America said, faking innocence.

"That's not fair! You're supposed to be the one that acts like a colony!" England screamed. Trying to act mature, England sat back down into his seat. He pulled out a volume of the collected works of Shakespeare and started to ignore the obnoxiously loud group.

After calming down Russia, China had something to say. "America, a couple thousand years ago I underwent monk training. Therefore, I am a monk and the oldest so I demand an answer, aru!"

America had no answer. "Sorry dude. I'm not a monk, so I don't know the answer myself. You can make one up or something." Satisfied with this, China left the topic. Pulling out his Shinatty-chan doll, he quickly fell asleep.

"Ve~ Germany! I'm bored again!" Italy whined, leaving Germany with a huge headache.

**And that's it! I hope you all enjoyed it, and I have an idea so I might add something onto this! Thanks again everybody!**


	2. FCM Part 1

**I'm back! I couldn't help myself, and this story is SOOOOOOO much fun to write. Here's another popular party game FCM. This is a bit mature, but nothing explicit! Enjoy!**

"ITALIEN! Be quiet!" Germany shouted, promptly waking China and scaring all the nations in the car except Russia. After the infamous "Stair Story" told by America around half an hour ago, it was decided America could not suggest any new methods of entertainment. All the while, Italy did not stop complaining about being bored. "I understand that you are bored, we all are. But if you do not shut up I-"

"Germany! I'm so sorry!" Italy sobbed, running to the driver's seat. He hug-tackled Germany, forcing their large van to swerve. After America let out a heroic shriek, Italy started sobbing again. "I didn't want to make you upset. Please don't be angry with me! Don't take away my pasta! Anything but that! I surrender, don't kill me in my sleep with my non-existent mustache!" Italy's ramble continued like this, switching from topics like friendship to the torture of eating England's cooking.

Meanwhile, the van continued to swerve until China spoke up. "Germany, do you want me to drive, aru? You can calm down Italy in the back while I prevent the van from crashing and killing us all."

"Thank you, China." Pulling the van to the side of the road, Germany carried a still sobbing Italy to the back as the Chinese man took control of the van. "It's okay, Italy, we're still best friends. I'm not angry." Italy hugged Germany as his mood switched to extremely happy.

"Yay! Let's eat pasta together!" Italy smiled, pulling out some gnocchi. "I made gnocchi just for you!" Germany smiled. This was the only pasta he truly liked. Maybe it had to do with the fact that it was made of potatoes.

At the sight of food, Japan threw up again. "Please put that away, Italy-chan, Germany-san. I can't look at food." Pouting, Italy put away the pasta. Most of the other countries were amazed. THE Italy, putting away pasta? Wow, he must really care about his former allies.

After around ten minutes of silence, America and Italy started to sing that song about beer bottles again. All the other countries were trying to think of a game or story, anything distract those two. Finally, France came up with an interesting game he played with some random people in an American bar. "I have an idea for a game. Has anybody ever played FCM?" At that, America broke out into a huge smile.

"Dude! I love that game!" America jumped from his seat, disturbing the Briton who was sitting next to him.

"The bloody hell! You made me lose my page!" England chucked his large volume of the collected works of William Shakespeare at his former colony's head.

America promptly rubbed his head. "Iggy! So not cool!" America frowned, then remembered something. "Oh yeah! Let's play FCM!"

"What does that stand for, aru?" China asked from the front seat. Turning his head, he could see the smirks on their faces. Something told him he wasn't going to like this game.

"Fuck. Chuck. Marry." France and America exclaimed at the same time. Germany and England became afraid. Very afraid.

"Okay, the way to play is that you get three people. They can be ANYBODY. Someone in the van, another nation not here, a random human that everyone knows..." America began. He gestured to the Frenchman, knowing he would want to continue this.

"Then you say which of the three you would marry, have sex with, and one person gets spared. Any person playing will list three people, and everyone else playing will FCM!" France finished. "So, I guess I'll start!" All the nations but Russia, America, and Italy paled. "Hmmm. Your people are The Bad Touch Trio, also known as the beautiful me, awesome Prussia, and sexy Spain. Germany can start."

"Do I have to play?" The tall blond nation asked.

"Yes." France and America said. Germany wasn't sure, but then Italy looked at him.

"Please play with us, Doitsu~" Italy pleaded. Germany sighed, and began to think in his head. Who can sat no to Italy?

"The Bad Touch Trio, right?" Germany contemplated his choices. "Well, chuck Prussia. He's my bruder, and I don't believe in incest. Marry Spain, and I guess fuck France." France beamed at this answer. He looked at Italy, the next victim.

"Chuck Spain, fratello would be angry at me if I did anything else. I would marry big brother France, and I guess fuck Prussia." A couple of the nations were shocked at how easy it was for Italy. Germany wasn't really surprised, he just pat the Italian's head. "Japan's turn, ve~"

Japan sighed. At least he was feeling a bit better. But these questions embarrassed him. "Can you please skip me?" At no response, he decided he would just answer. "I would marry Spain, chuck Prussia, and ummmmm," Japan became very quiet, and started to blush heavily. "Sleep with France." Japan blushed even more, and all of the nerves made him want to throw up again.

"It's the hero's turn!" America announced, and all the nations beside China looked at him. "This one's easy! Fuck Prussia, marry Spain, chuck France!" France looked depressed at his first time being chucked. "Canadia's turn!"

"Who?" All the nations but France and America asked.

"Mon petit Canada!" France exclaimed, turning to his sort-of former colony.

"Ummmm... I guess I would chuck Papa, sleep with Spain, and marry Prussia. He spends so much time at my house it's almost like we're married, eh?" Canada blushed slightly. This wasn't that humiliating, he got The Talk from none other than France himself. THAT was disturbing...

"So you must be Birdie!" Germany exclaimed. "He says you make pancakes well. And that your country has a maple beer."

"Um, yes... England, it's your turn." Canada blushed again. That was the third time he had that conversation with Germany.

"My turn?" England thought for a minute. "Marry Spain, fuck Prussia, and chuck the bloody frog." France clutched his chest dramaticly.

"You wound me so, mon petit lapin. Russia's turn." France said, turning to the northern nation. "But only if you want to, of course!" he quickly added on.

"I will play your game, comrade." Russia said, smiling. "Only if China goes next." At the nod from the other nations and a small protest from China, Russia continued. "I will chuck Spain, fuck France, and marry Prussia. He was once one with Mother Russia, da?" A slight chill came through the van, while Canada, America, and Germany froze up for a moment.

Quickly trying to change the atmosphere, China decided he would go. "It's my turn, aru!" China screamed, getting everyone's attention. "Okay, I would chuck Prussia, marry France, and fuck Spain."

"Why the bloody hell, would anyone want to marry that frog-face?" England jeered, crossing his arms.

"At least I wouldn't kill my spouse with my cooking!" France retorted, ignoring England. "Alright, I can't go because I was in this one, so who has an idea?"

"Pick me! Ve~" Italy cried, waving his hand.

"Alright, Italy, what's your idea?" Germany sighed. He looked down at the Italian on his lap.

"How about me, Romano, and Seborga?"

**Cliffhanger-ish! I hope you all liked it! ^.^ I'll try to put the next one up soon...**


	3. FCM Part 2

**Sorry I took so long... I had three performances/vocal concerts this week! ^_^'**

**Anyway, the next chapter is up. Please enjoy! * bows ***

"Ohonhonhon. Italy, you truly are my little brother." France smirked, leaning closer to Germany and the Italian on Germany's lap. Glaring at France, Germany scooted closer to Japan who was thankfully feeling a bit better.

"Ve~ So who wants to start?" Italy expertly feigned innocence, opening his eyes to look at all the nations. "Doitsu? Per favore?" Italy begged.

"Nein. I started last round." Italy pouted, and Germany chose to ignore the small brunette. "How about France? He didn't go yet."

Immediately, Germany regretted his actions. France's face morphed to his famous rape-face. All nations in the van moved as far away as they could possibly get, with Russia as the only exception. He kept his child-like smile plastered upon his face, moving slightly to place his pipe in a more assessable place.

"Hmmmm... I would chuck Seborga, marry Italy," France winked at the small Italian, earning himself a giggle and another glare from the German man. "And make love to little Romano."

"So he does have morals." England muttered to himself. "I guess he isn't a pedophile like that annoying Spanish friend of his." France rolled his eyes, and crossed his arms over his chest.

"Ah! Speaking of Spain, he just texted me!" The Frenchman happily began reading the text, but he quickly grew a slight expression of fear on his "delicate, lady-like" features. "He just gets stranger everyday."

"What did Spain-nii say?" Italy asked, though he already had a vague idea. It was probably either about tomatoes, or not to touch Fratello. And it probably had a "~".

"He said 'Don't touch mi Roma~'." Italy smiled. Yay! He was right! It had the "~" and everything!

"Well, let's get back to the game!" America yelled exuberantly. "I'll marry Seborga, chuck Romano, and fuck Italy!" With the sudden change in atmosphere, the game continued. "Who's next?"

"I'll g-" Canada began, but was interrupted by Russia.

"I'll go, da?" All the nations nodded in agreement. Russia took a second to think. "Marry Romano, chuck Italy, and fuck Seborga." Nobody wanted to know what went on in this twisted nation's head. Or his bedroom. Which may or may not contain cameras monitored Hungary and Belarus. "England will go now." Russia decided.

"All right, chap." England said, forcing a smile to appease the Russian. "Let's see. Marry Italy, fuck Romano, and chuck Seborga." England placed his large novel down, crossing his legs. He was getting tired, and decided to take a small nap.

"VE! I DON'T WANT TO MARRY ENGLAND! HE'S SCARY AND HIS FOOD TASTES LIKE DOG SH-" Italy was cut off by Germany placing a large hand on his mouth. England ignored all the commotion, deciding it wasn't worth it.

"I guess I'll go now, aru." China said from his spot in the diver's seat. "Marry Seborga! He's so cute! Fuck Italy, and chuck Romano." Nobody commented on China's turn.

"Can I please go now?" Canada screamed, which happened to only sound like a normal person's speaking voice. He was starting to get a little angry, but he didn't have to put up these nations after the trip was over. He could go home, and replace his door and buy more pancake ingredients, because both were probably wasted by Prussia. He could get some sleep, and then have his house crashed by Prussia. And then America. And then France... Canada began to get depressed, remembering two months ago, when those three all were at his house at the same time.

He still had nightmares about it.

"Go ahead, Carnival. I'll go after you." Germany said, disturbing Canada's daydreams.

"It's Canada, eh..." The Canadian whispered. "Anyway, I would marry Italy, fuck Romano, and chuck Seborga. The usual." Italy looked expectantly up at Germany.

"Your turn, Germany." Germany began to get very nervous. How could he answer this? He didn't want to fuck Romano. That potato-hater despised him. But he couldn't fuck Seborga, that's wrong because he's only around fifteen in human years. He wanted to marry Italy, but the only correct move would be to fuck him. Why is this game so frustrating?

"Germany-san. It is just a game." Japan reassured Germany, although they both knew Italy would be angry is he chose the wrong combination.

Turning his head, Japan saw something adorable that made him feel much better. England had already fallen asleep, and his head was on a blushing America's shoulder. To make himself more comfortable, the American had put his arm around England's waist, and leaned his head on top of England's. Japan quickly snapped a picture, smiling to himself.

Germany finally made up his mind. "Marry Italy, fuck Romano, and chuck Seborga." Germany said quickly, and Italy promptly smiled.

"YAY! Germany wants to marry me! Ve~" Italy smiled, and leaned back onto Germany's chest. Germany's blush currently rivaled that of Romano's. "Japan, you're last~"

"I would do the same as Germany-san." Japan said, blushing slightly. "And may I suggest our next trio?" France nodded hungrily."Go on, mon ami!"

Hoping not to participate this round, he put in himself. "Myself, China, and Korea-kun." Most nations were surprised, but China was simply offended.

"Why would you give Korea an honorific but not me?" China protested, feeling slightly depressed. Japan was his little brother! Japan only turned away, feeling another wave of nausea come upon him. "And if you were going to do a trio, why not the Baltics, aru? Or even the North American siblings?"

"The Baltics are mine, da? No need to FCM them." Russia smiled, causing all the nations to attempt to hide. "I will go first with fucking Japan, marrying China, and pushing Korea off a cliff." Once again, nobody questioned Russia's logic, or why he would push Korea off a cliff. "Comrade Italy will go."

Italy trembled from his hiding spot behind Germany. "Ve... Marry Japan, fuck Korea, and chuck China." Germany shook his head as Italy climbed back onto his lap.

"I would marry Japan, fuck China, and chuck Korea." Germany said, wanting his turn to be over and done with. Getting annoyed, he gently took Italy off his lap and placed him on the seat next to himself. Predicting the Italian's protesting, he quickly gave him a sketchbook and pencil to amuse himself. Italy set to work, happily drawing pasta.

"My turn~ Ohonhonhon." France exclaimed, very loudly. He seemed pleased with himself for some reason. "I would marry China, chuck Japan, and fuck Korea." He also appeared to be itching to strip, but they were nearing Switzerland.

"Dude!" America said quietly. "I would marry Japan, fuck Korea, and chuck China... Then maybe my debt would go away too." America added. China rolled his eyes, overhearing the loud American.

"I'll go now." Canada exclaimed, ignoring the confused look on France's face.

"When did you get here, mon cher?" America shushed, not wanting them to wake the sleeping Briton curled up next to him. Japan snapped another picture.

"I've been here the whole time, Papa." Canada complained. He sighed as France came over to "hug" his former colony. "And I would marry China, fuck Japan, and chuck Korea." Japan blushed heavily, and looking at the passengers China rolled his eyes, but he stopped half-way through. He noticed that England was sleeping. The Chinese man grew a sinister smile.

"Hey, Russia? Can you drive for a little bit? I'm getting tired, aru." China said. Russia walked to the front of the van and patted China on the shoulder. He smiled, and China pulled the car over on the side of the road to exchange spots with the taller man.

After taking Russia's seat, China pulled out his iphone. America gave all the nations iphones last year for the holidays, even the nations that didn't celebrate those holidays. He pressed his finger to the youtube app, and smirked as he saw the video he was looking for. He turned up his phone to full volume, and clicked play on the video.

**Thanks for reading~ **

**What do you think the video is? It's pretty obvious, and I can't wait to write the next chapter! See you then! :D**


	4. Nyan Cat

**I got so many wonderful reviews for my last chapter~ Thank you all so much! :) I hope you enjoy this chapter! And by the way, I own none of the videos that will be used inside this chapter, and the next. I don't put Hetalia disclaimers because this is FANFICTION for a reason! Thank you. :)**

"NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NY-A-A-A-A-N NYAN NYAN NYAN NYAN NY-A-A-A-A-N NYAN NYAN NYAN-"

"WHAT THE BLOODY HELL IS THAT?" An extremely irritated England screamed, his eyes snapping open. England rose from his seat next to America, who slowly starting inching away. All the nations turned to face the Briton, excluding Russia. Russia only sat there and smiled, because he knew who played the video.

"Hey! Iggy, calm down."

"I will not calm down, you git!" England seethed at America. Pouting, America moved closer to Italy. Smiling ignorantly, Italy whispered something into America's ear.

"Are you sure this will work?" America questioned.

"Ve~ It doesn't always work, but sometimes it works for Spain-nii!" Italy whispered back. At hearing this, it seemed that all of America's suspicions were erased. Quickly, America rose and jumped on England. He was immediately pushed away, only succeeding in increasing the Briton's anger.

"Dude!" America screamed at Italy. "You said the hug therapy would work!"

Italy shook his head and starting crying. "I never said that! I said it only works sometimes! PLEASE DON'T KILL ME! I have relatives in New York!" Italy's rant continued, until Germany finally steeped in.

"It's okay, Italy. Nobody is going to kill you." Germany awkwardly patted the nations head, and Italy rushed into the German nation's arms.

Meanwhile, America decided to congratulate China while restraining an enraged Englishman. He discovered who it was by the Chinese man's snickering and the sound coming from his iphone.

"Dude! That was geniu- AGH!" America was cut off with a fist in his mouth, courtesy of England. The American released England from his hold to rub his jaw, sending the blonde flying at the Chinaman. China responded by revealing his wok and smashing England on the head. "Revenge, ahen!"

"Wot the 'ell was 'at fo?" England asked, rubbing the bump on his head while glaring at both China and America. America bit his lip to keep from laughing at England's cockney accent, something that was quickly noticed by the now blushing Englishman.

"Hey America? You are a hero, correct?" England asked, correcting his accent. His eyes were narrowing and strange black lines were streaking his face. France shivered; he knew the look that England had on all too well. The Briton was plotting.

England stood up from his spot on the van's floor and took a few steps toward America. "Ha ha ha ha~" America struck his hero pose, and an American flag appeared in the back round. A sickly Japan and somebody else could be seen holding the flag. "That's right, I'm the hero!"

"Then can you get revenge on China for me?"

"Nope! Sorry man, but I owe that dude like a trillion dollars." England sighed. "Besides, he played Nyan Cat! That's the most awesome video ever!" Germany cringed at the use of the word "awesome".

"What's a Nyan Cat?" England wondered out loud. America's eyes grew large, and Italy could be heard gasping.

"You... don't know Nyan Cat?" Japan asked, clutching his stomach. England's eyebrows furrowed as he thought. Japan's usually emotionless eyes widened, and his mouth opened a little.

America became stoic for a moment as he closed the gap between himself and England. They were only a few inches away now, and England was slightly blushing. Suddenly, a frighteningly calm America slapped England across the face. England could feel his right eye twitch as his cheek turned red.

Before England could protest about being slapped in the face, Italy rose from his spot on Germany's lap and walked to America in the center of the van. Japan quickly joined, his inner otaku taking over.

"He doesn't know Nyan Cat! Ve, what should we do?" Italy questioned, his face morphing into a horrified one. America thought for a minute, until he decided upon the next course of action.

"We must convert the non-believer." America said with a straight face, as Italy nodded his head. Seeing how amusing this exchange was, Russia, China, and France decided to join in. Germany and Canada merely facepalmed as England began backing away slowly.

"America," Russia said from the driver's seat. "It is time for the challenge, da?" America nodded and pulled out his iphone. Canada's face paled as his brother pressed the Youtube app.

"What have you done?" Canada whispered, clutching his bear to his chest. Germany looked at the Canadian and something clicked in his mind.

"You're birdie!" Canada decided not to respond as once again the sound of Nyan Cat filled the large van.

'Fifth Time...' Canada thought. He sighed as Nyan Cat's introduction finished and got even louder.

The van was silent except for the sounds of a struggling Englishman being restrained and Nyan Cat.

"Unhand me!" England protested. "And turn that off, you git! It sounds like a dying animal!" America and China gasped.

"Aiya! How could you insult Nyan Cat? It's so cute!" China yelled, staring lovingly as the cat flew across the screen of the iphone.

"I will never unhand you until you realize the heroic joy of Nyan Cat!" America exclaimed. Conversation continued like this until ten minutes passed.

"Ve~ America, it's been ten minutes. The challenge should be over by now!" Italy smiled as America dropped the Briton.

"No way, dude! I clicked on the ten HOUR challenge!" America yelled as England grabbed for the American's iphone.

"America, I'll tell you once more. I refuse to listen to this for ten hours." England had the phone grabbed from him by Japan.

"But you must learn to appreciate Nyan Cat, England-san." Japan said, his eyes sparkling slightly.

France quickly took the phone. "For once, I must agree with England. No matter how gorgeous Nyan Cat is in his French version, I cannot submit my beautiful self to listen to that for ten hours." The phone was quickly taken by Italy.

"Sorry, France-nii. Please don't hurt me!" After tossing the phone to who he thought was America, he ran back to Germany with his white flag. Unfortunately for Italy, "America" was actually Canada.

"Hey, bro!" America shouted. "Can I have my phone?"

"No, America." Canada sighed. Suddenly, an idea struck the Canadian. "Why don't we have a vote to decide whether to listen to Nyan Cat? We can decide what to do based off that, eh?"

"Fine." America grumbled, crossing his arms. Russia giggled at seeing the pig not wanting to vote. As if reading Russia's mind, America added on another sentence.

"But voting is still one of the greatest things ever! Along with capitalism and hamburgers!"

"Okay." Canada said to appease his brother. "Whoever wants Nyan Cat to stay will say 'yay' and if you want it turned off say 'nay'. I will remain neutral."

"America." Canada called.

"Yay, dude!" America raised his fist into the air.

"France."

"I must disagree with Amerique, so nay." A groan was heard from America.

"Russia."

"Nay, da?" Everyone shivered as Russia turned his head to smile at all the nations in the van.

"England."

"Nay, of course." England snickered.

"China... Wait, why are you here? You're not part of the G-8." Canada asked as China simply smiled.

"I want to be here, aru. And yay." America cheered as England groaned. China smiled again.

Revenge was sweet!

"Italy."

"Yay!" America gave Italy a high five, which made a large clapping sound. Italy began to whimper as he tried to get Germany to kiss his red hand better.

"Nein, Italy." Germany rejected, blushing deeply.

"Please?" Italy pulled on his puppy eyes, which made the German look like a tomato. 'He looks just like fratello!' Italy thought, giggling a little bit.

"Big brother France will kiss it better~" Germany glared at France, who quickly backed away.

"Let's continue with Japan."

"Yay." Japan's not-so-inner otaku side was very pleased as America shot another fist into the air.

"Germany." The German nation was still staring down France as his name was called.

"Nay." Canada took a second to remember the votes as Nyan Cat still blasted in the back round.

"It's equal, so we'll have a compromise, eh?" All the nations except for Russia began to complain.

"Hai." Japan agreed, and decided to voice his idea. "We can play Nyan Cat quietly, nearly on mute. That way, we can hear it but it will not cause headaches." All the nations grumbled, but decided this was fair.

And thus, Nyan Cat became the theme music for the rest of the van trip.

**Did you like it? I had MAJOR writer's block. If you liked this chapter, you have the awesome Nokturna168 to thank. She helped me make an outline, and she's going to co-write one of the future chapters~ Be on the look-out! :) **

**Thank you for reading!**


	5. secretangentbob and a surprise visit

**Next chapter~ Seriously, this is so much fun to write! Thank you all for leaving little signs of happiness! And I know I haven't updated in about a month, so I'll try to be better! I promise! :)**

And so, the van reverted into almost silence. At least, until America decided to listen to his i-pod with Italy.

"Do you have any songs about pasta?" Italy asked. The Italian was now sitting on America's lap, much to the disdain of Ger- I mean much to the fear of Germany. Yes, the fear that America will corrupt Italy and-

"Mein Gott!" Germany exclaimed, putting his head in his hands. England patted the man's shoulder synthetically. Both remembered the stairs incident from the start of the van ride. Those two were like a recipe for trouble.

"No dude, I don't. But I know an awesome viral video about waffles!" America shot his hand into the air as his other hand pressed play.

"Ve~ I know that song!" Italy screeched, a smile stretching his face.

"Do you like waffles?" America started.

"Yeah we like waffles!" Italy answered.

"Do you like pancakes?" America sang (read as screamed).

"Yeah we like pancakes!" Italy sang. Japan decided to join in as well, but not as loud as his two best friends. Canada smiled at the mention of pancakes.

"Do you like french toast?"

"Yeah we like french toast!" France chimed in with Italy and Japan. The sound of 'kol' could now be heard from the driver's seat.

"Dodododo, can't wait to ge-" All four sang, but were interrupted by Russia.

"Be quiet, da? I cannot concentrate on the road." Russia's 'kols' then continued, but the American's laughter was much louder. He placed the now pouting Italy off his lap, and he pulled on a cloak. And an axe.

'That looks like Spain's axe.' All the nations in the car thought.

"America, where did you get that axe?" England began slowly, preparing to use his book as a weapon if the superpower decided to attack.

"Hammerspace, duh." All the nations except let out a breath they didn't know they were holding. "But this is... The Axe of Capitalism! And it will be your doom, Russia!"

'Good, it's not María.' France thought. He remembered the last time someone stole Spain's axe.

"He's not communist anymore, eh?" Canada said, already knowing where this discussion was headed.

"But that kid from my home made this video, so the Russians must be communist there!" America whined as Canada took the axe and put it back into hammerspace, much to the relief of China.

"America, what are you talking about, aru?" China asked, relaxing into his seat.

"secretangentbob, of course! He's this really awesome youtuber!" England and Canada groaned.

"I know him!" Japan exclaimed. "He made that video Charlie the Unicorn!"

"Unicorns?" England smiled.

"What is that?" France asked. Japan, America, and Italy gasped. They immediately logged onto youtube to show that nations some viral videos.

I'm sure you want to know their reactions, right? Here are a few of the highlights:

The Cloak

"W-what?" China was shaking from the look America gave him before turning to Russia.

"You will die, you commie bastard!" Russia simply decided to ignore America and get some revenge later.

Spatula Madness

"How could they say that about my beauty?" France cried, creating an emo corner in the van. "I'm too gorgeous for this!"

England merely laughed and wiped a tear from his eye. "That spatula was spot-on! Take that you bloody cheese-eating surrender monkey!"

Charlie the Unicorn

England sat on the floor while petting air-I mean Uni.

"It's okay, Uni. No need to cry. I'm sure that American meant no offense!"

It was France's turn to make fun of England.

The Interview

"Nein! That is not how a professional interview works!" Germany announced, eye twitching. "Is that how business is run in America?"

"Pttf. No way dude!" America pouted and clicked on the next video.

Marshmallow People

"Aiyaa! They were so cute!" China said, squeezing his Shinatty-chan.

"Dude, that's freakin' weird."

Detective Mittens

"Ve~ So cute!" Italy squealed, hugging Pookie to his chest.

"Seriously, what is wrong with you all?"

And finally, Llamas with Hats

"What's wrong with YOU, America?"

All the nations were having a good time and becoming friends, until something bumped into the van. It was another car. None of the nations were injured, but being the hero that he his, America had to make sure whoever was in the other car was okay.

The other nations followed after America, and Japan had his phone ready in case they needed to call for help. However, as soon as America lifted a heavy piece of metal a dark outline shot up and jumped on Russia. Realizing who it was, he cowered and started begging for help.

That's right, Belarus crashed their van on purpose just so she could get to Russia.

"Belarus! Go away!" The Russian cried, trying to push her away. The girl held tight to her brother.

"Big brother. I missed you while you were in the meeting. So I followed you so that we can be married. Let us be married! ." Her rant continued as all the nations besides America backed away.

"America! Please!" Russia shot a look at America, who laughed. "I'll do anything!"

"Anything?" A devious smile spread across the American's face.

"Da!" Without another word, America picked Belarus off Russia and whispered something in her ear. She blushed a little, and turned to run away.

"I will be back, so we can be married!" Giving one last look to her love, Belarus stalked off, leaving the nations with no way of transportation.

"So, what do we do now?" England asked, surveying their van. It seemed fixable, and the van wasn't anywhere near as damaged as Belarus's car.

"I can probably fix it." Germany said, making his way over to the car before Italy stopped him.

"No, Doitsu~ This is your vacation!" France sent Italy a pleading look.

"Italy, I cannot sleep in the wild until our bosses can send a new van." Italy smiled at France, but it wasn't his usual smile. It was like the kind of smile Russia wears, fake and insincere.

"Sorry, Francy-pants!" Italy blocked the flustered German's way as Japan stood beside him.

"I too cannot allow Germany-san to work on his vacation. Please do excuse my outburst." Japan said, but his face showed that he was simply happy to be out of that van.

"Dudes! It's cool, and I think I see a rest stop over there. We can chill there until our bosses send us a new van." America reasoned. The others seemed to agree with this, and followed the boisterous American to the rest stop.

**Thanks for reading, everybody! And please review, it's always nice to see one~ :D Until next time!**


	6. The Rest Stop Part I

**Hey people~ How was your President's Week? I was in Puerto Rico, where it was WAY to hot... Anyway, here's the next chapter! I've been ITCHING to write this, so please enjoy! :D**

"Hahahaha! The hero has lead you all to the safety of a rest stop!" America exclaimed, leading the group as they neared the rest stop. For a rest stop, it was pretty large.

"Look, there's a sign!" Italy pointed out from his spot on Germany's back. Somehow he had convinced the German to carry him.

The sign was well decorated and colorful. England walked up to it, and began to read what it said. Thankfully, it was in English. They must be near some tourist destination.

'Welcome to our rest stop! We hope you enjoyed your journey here. At our rest stop, there is plenty of things to do! We have four gift shops, perfect for people of every age, race, and gender. Our rest stop also has a food court, with a variety of foods from around the world. There is also two different bathrooms, one for males and one for females. And to top it all off, we even have a small motel! Come and join us!'

"So what should we do first?" America wondered out loud. An idea popped into his head. "We should split into groups of three! I call Iggy!" England trudged over.

"For the millionth time, my name is not Iggy!" He grumbled.

"Can I join your group?" A voice whispered. America jumped, squealing until he realized who it was.

"S-Sure, bro." America laughed, putting one arm around the grumbling Englishman and the other around the Canadian.

"Ve~ I want to be with Germany and Japan!" Italy yelled, hugging the German's back. Japan walked over with a small smile on his face. He was just happy to be out of that death trap- I mean van.

"So I'll be with France and China, da?" Russia smiled at his shivering group mates. They nodded, and just as Russia was about to drag them off, Germany spoke up.

"We should set a time and place for all of us to meet. The time is now five thirty. I suggest we take one hour to do whatever we want to do with our groups. Where should we meet up?" China looked around, and pointed to a shop. It looked like it had antiques.

Quite strange for a rest stop.

"How about there?" China suggested. The other nations nodded, and split into their groups.

"Wait!" Germany called out. The other nations turned to him. "We should probably use our human names. They're much less suspicious." Yet again, the nations sounded their agreements. Seeing as nobody had anything left to say, the groups finally headed into the rest stop.

The Hero and his sidekicks (A.K.A. America, England, and Canada).

"Iggy! Bro! I'm starving. Let's get some food!" America decided for them.

"I must admit, Am-Alfred, I am quite hungry myself." England agreed, and blushed as his stomach growled.

"Me too." Canada whispered. Kumajiro cocked his head to the side.

"Who're you?" He asked.

"I'm Ca-Matthew."

"Dude, that doesn't matter right now!" America yelled, dragging the other two blondes with him. They entered the food court, and America set to looking for a McDonald's. He gasped and fell to the floor in shock when he realized that there was none. Tears dramatically streamed down his face as England facepalmed.

"Alfred, what's wrong?" England asked with an exasperated sigh. People were starting to stare.

"N-NO MCDONALD'S!" He cried dramatically. It was Canada's turn to facepalm.

"They have a Burger King," Canada gestured to the Burger King sign. "That's almost as good as McDonald's, eh?" America pouted as he slowly walked onto the rather long line. England and Canada decided to follow him. They didn't really like Burger King, but it would do.

The American continued to wallow in self-pity until he reached the front of the line. He was still pouting as he ordered himself five cheese burgers and two large sodas.

"Can you really eat that much?" The cashier asked.

America flashed a proud smile. "Of course I can!" The cashier smiled as she handed America his large bag of fast food. Canada and England quickly ordered their food, meeting sympathetic smiles from the cashier.

Hurrying to find a table, America ran to the seating section. England followed, forgetting about the Canadian still waiting for his food. As England sat down, America unwrapped his first burger.

"I wish it was a Big Mac, but..." He trailed off, taking a large bite. The look on his face was priceless. It was as if someone slapped him in the face then told him aliens didn't exist. "WHAT THE FUCK IS THIS?" He yelled.

He slammed the burger to the floor, cursing. By now, Canada had reached the table. He almost regretted joining the two as he absentmindedly munched on a chicken nugget. England merely looked on, embarrassed by America.

He really wished he had some tea.

America's eye twitched as he picked up another burger. He thought that maybe there was something wrong with the other one. As he took another bite, he realized he was wrong. The burger was simply an abomination to hamburgers everywhere. It paled in comparison to Big Macs.

"THIS IS AN ABOMINATION TO BURGERS EVERYWHERE!" America repeated his thoughts. England congratulated himself. He had taught America some English, although the Englishman would never understand where American English came from.

All the eyes in the food court were on America. "THAT THING IS UNAMERICAN!" The American tourists cheered, and stood behind America on his quest for a true burger. The other tourists gave pitying glances to Canada and England. The crowd only became more worked up as America recited his Pledge of Allegiance, only substituting words like "America" and "Flag" for the word "Hamburger" as the other Americans joined in.

The food court was quickly becoming the scene of a riot, food was being thrown and people were using tables and trays as shields. America was standing on top of one of the tables surveying the havoc he caused. He laughed when he saw England crawling around trying to escape. Canada wasn't spotted. The American's laughter ceased as two men from security approached America.

"I'm sorry, sir, but you're going to have to leave."

"Awww..." America pouted as he let himself be led out of the food court.

The Axis Powers (A.K.A Germany, Italy, and Japan).

Germany sighed as he looked at the other side of the food court. He could see America being taken out, England and someone else following. Other workers were cleaning up the miniature riot. Germany checked his watch. His group was behind schedule because Italy had saw a cat and wanted to pet it. Turns out, the cat belonged to a very frighting Swedish man-woman. The former Axis Powers had retreated to the food court after being hit a few times with a stick.

Italy immediately began his search for pasta. It was mostly fast food, and Italy despaired until he came across a Sabarro's. Bouncing over, Italy ordered a large bowl of pasta.

"You're biggest bowl of pasta, per favore!" Italy smiled at the exasperated cashier. Her last customer back at McDonald's was also good looking, but a little off in the head.

"Okay, sweetie." She forced a smile for the little Italian. She served Italy his pasta and he quickly grabbed it, thanked her with a blinding smile, then ran off to a table with a German and Japanese man. 'What an eccentric group.'

Japan had bought some sushi, but took a taste and decided something was off. He threw it out, and munched on some pocky he had in his pocket. Germany had actually found a little German fast food place, and he was drinking some poorly made beer with slimy wurst and mashed potatoes. The potatoes were good, but it's nearly impossible to mess up mashed potatoes.

Italy sat down and took a big forkful of the pasta. He jammed it into his mouth, thinking he would be savoring the pasta.

He was wrong.

The second the pasta touched his gourmet taste buds, he spat it out. "Ve, Luddy, I think they messed up my order." Italy opened his eyes and blinked.

"Why is that, Feliciano?" Germany took another sip of his beer. Japan stared at them and looked like he wanted to say something.

"This isn't pasta." Italy's smile was gone, and his face was as emotionless as Japan's.

"Ja, it is." However, the German was too late. Italy, pasta in hand, had already returned to the Sabarro's.

"This isn't pasta." He told a cashier. The cashier rolled his eyes. Every once in a while they would get a crazy customer.

"It is. Straight form the factory." The man said, popping his gum. The other cashier was slowly backing away.

"No, it's not pasta. You make pasta with love." Italy's eye twitched. Germany glared at the ceiling. Why couldn't he have been that intimidating during World War II?

"Maybe those machines made it with love?" The cashier replied, ignorant to the situation.

"It's not pasta." Italy repeated. He rose the pasta up to the level of his face.

"Listen, it is. Now if you don't leave I'm going to call security." Italy slammed the bowl into the cashier's face. A random customer called for security. The cashier got up again, charging at Italy. Italy merely stood there, and waited until the man was close enough. He took a plastic spoon from a table, and he pushed it into the man's stomach. The cashier somehow flew back.

Germany and Japan were speechless.

"Ve..." Italy said before returning to his table. He sat down and looked at his friend's bewildered looks. "What?" They sat in silence for a few moments until security came.

"We're going to have to ask you to leave, sirs." The three walked out of the food court, Italy complaining about not having eaten pasta.

The Sociopath, the Pervert, and the Chinaman (Russia, France, and China).

At first, this trio was going to get some food. However, when they saw the chaos inside the food court, they left without saying a word. Instead, they decided to check out the gift shops. The first was a convenience store, which had nothing they wanted. Next there was a clothing store, but the clothes looked like they came straight from the eighties. After France had a miniature heart attack, they left for the next store. When they entered it, China felt like he had died and went to heaven.

This store specialized in Hello Kitty merchandise.

China immediately pulled out his Shinatty-chan and frolicked through the aisle until he found one of the figurines he had been looking for. When he reached out, an eight year old girl reached for it at the same time.

"Let go! It's mine, aru!" China screamed. The little girl pulled.

"No! It's mine!" China pulled back, unaware they were attracting a crowd. The cashier sighed. This strangely feminine man was definitely friends with the people from the hamburger incident and the pasta incident.

After a particularly long match of tug of war, China won, grabbing the toy from the now sobbing little girl. France rolled his eyes as he took the phone numbers of one of the teenage girls in the store.

"Stop acting like a colony, Yao." France winked at another girl with her little sister. She flipped him off.

"You're one to talk, aru." China lectured. "I'm not the one who is taking phone numbers from girls millennium younger than me!" France dramatically clutched his chest.

"You wound me, mon ami!" China ignored the Frenchman until he realized something.

"Where's Ivan, aru?" France's eyebrows furrowed.

"I am not sure." The two traveled throughout the aisles, China picking up some more merchandise every now and then until they found Russia.

Russia was in the aisle that had Hello Kitty plushies holding flowers. Russia was holding one of the adorable figurines with a sunflower headband and dress. China used some ninja moves he learned from Japan to unceremoniously grab France and pull him behind a wall. Russia looked around, and when he saw nobody was there, he smiled.

It was a pure, innocent smile. When paired with Russia's handsome face and the adorable doll he was holding, China and France had no choice but to glomp him.

"AIYAAAAA!" China squealed. "SO CUTE, ARU!" Russia blushed, embarrassed. China smiled knowingly as he dragged Russia to the checkout line. China released his hair from it's ponytail and he practiced his smile. He payed for all the dolls and even Russia's figurine.

"Thank you, ma'am." The cashier said. China winked at her, then scowled at the drooling France. It was then time to meet up with the other nations in the antique store.

**Sorry about the long wait... I had more for this chapter, but my brother took my computer and deleted it, along with two chapters of my other stories! :( Yeah, so I hope you enjoyed it, and don't forget to review~**


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